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The way things should never ever be
Rating: Weeeiiiiird... It had been about a year since Weiss had defeated Schwarz and both had disbanded. All four members of Weiss decided they wanted to explore the world and see more than Japan, so they all moved to America. With Omi's excellent computer skills, a software company snatched him up almost immediately. Yohji had gotten a great job as a private detective. He said that Americans had a lot of problems, and business was booming. Aya and Ken...well, Aya and Ken had nothing. There was nothing in America that matched their expertise. They had fallen back on retirement funds for the first few months. But that didn't last long. Not long at all. Now they were living in a tiny, broke down apartment in the ghetto of New York City. Neither had enough money to pay for an apartment by them selves, so they relied on each other. It was raining. Pouring buckets really, and there was a leak in the ceiling. Aya stood in the middle of the dirty apartment, water dripping steadily on his head. He looked annoyed beyond belief. "I'm going out. You fix the roof while I'm gone," Aya said, walking out the door before Ken could object. 3 HOURS LATER Aya walked into the apartment carrying a gallon of milk. Ken was standing on a lawn chair in the middle of the room covered in duct tape. He jumped off the chair and pointed up, grinning happily. "Look, Aya-kun! I fixed it!" he cried. Just then a soggy lump of duct tape fell from the ceiling on Ken's head. The water began to fall in a steady stream. Aya grumbled and shoved the milk into the rusty fridge. "No you didn't." "OK well...it *was* fixed," Ken said, pulling the lump of tape off his head and dropping it on the floor. "Why were you gone so long, Aya-kun?" "The line was long..." Aya mumbled, dropping onto the dingy little cot he slept on. "Oh." Ken leaned over and peered out the window. He saw a bright red Jaguar parked outside. "Gee...I wonder who that belongs to. It's really nice." Aya cleared his throat and looked everywhere but into Ken's eyes. "Yeah. I wonder," he said. Ken didn't notice Aya slipping a pair of wire clippers into his pocket. There was a screech of tires and Ken looked out the window. A black Porsche and a red Ferrari were now parked behind the Jaguar. Ken turned and looked at Aya. "Oh bloody hell...they're here..." he murmured, looking afraid. "Knock, knock, guys! Let us in!!" a cheery voice cried from the other side of the door. Ken looked around and swallowed hard. "N-Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!" Ken said weakly, holding his head in his hands. "Very funny," a deeper voice said. They heard a scratching noise and the door swung open. Standing in the doorway were Omi and Yohji, smiling big. "Hey guys! What's uhh..." Omi trailed off as he looked around the apartment. Ken mumbled gibberish and Aya remained silent. "We were just...we thought we would just...you know...we thought..." Yohji looked around, eyes wide. "Well we realized we had never been here before. We thought we might just drop in..." Omi said, walking into the apartment slowly. "Watch your step!!" Ken screamed just as Omi put his foot in a weak spot. His foot went right through the floor and he yelped. There were angry shouts heard from below and Ken got down on his knees. He looked through the hole and waved. "Sorry, Mr. Goldstein! They didn't know! We'll fix it right away!!" Ken got up, grabbed the roll of duct tape, and put a few strips of tape over the hole. "We can't just use that duct tape like that, Omi. Be more careful," Aya growled, rubbing his hands together. "Don't be angry with Omi-chan, Aya-kun. He didn't know," Ken said, looking at Omi and smiling apologetically. "Don't be sorry...it's OK." Omi stood there, staring at the hole. Yohji cleared his throat and looked around. "Where's the bathroom? I must pee..." he said. Ken pointed to a bucket in the corner with a sniff. Yohji stared from the bucket to Ken then back to the bucket. "Here's an idea. Let's go back to Omi's place! You don't mind, do you Omi?" Omi shook his head vigorously. "Oh no! Not at all! Let's go to my apartment...we can hang out!" Omi cried, walking to the door, careful to walk over the hole. AT OMI'S APARTMENT Ken rode with Yohji and Aya rode with Omi. They arrived at Omi's apartment building shortly. Upon entering, Ken couldn't suppress a gasp of awe. Omi's apartment was a huge, two-floor studio. Modern paintings hung on the walls, there were various pieces of matching black leather furniture, and a marble fireplace. "Holy God, Omi-chan! This is great!!" Ken breathed, running his hand over the arm of his sofa. "Yeah it's nice..." Aya grunted. He was looking at a picture of all four of them together in front of Tokyo tower. "Hm...this frame genuine silver?" Aya asked, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah. Nice, huh?" Omi said, planting himself into a recliner. "Uh huh..." No one noticed Aya taking the picture and slipping it into his jacket pocket. "You guys hungry?" Omi asked, getting up and heading towards the kitchen. "Oh yeah! I am!!" Ken shouted, sitting on the couch. "Great. Aya? Come and help me in the kitchen will you?" Omi said, disappearing through the door. Aya got up and followed, leaving Yohji and Ken to discuss life. "So...how's life in the ghetto?" Yohji asked, fairly tactlessly. "It's OK. The apartment's...cozy..." Ken looked like he was about to cry. "We know our neighbors very well...BECAUSE THE WALLS ARE PAPER THIN!!! Oh God, Yohji! Get me out! The water is *chewy*..." Ken was on his knees at Yohji's feet now. "I'll sleep with you...just get me out..." Ken sobbed. "Sleep with me, eh? I mean...no Ken! There's got to be another way. We'll fix this," Yohji said, pulling a pack of Juicy Fruit out of his pocket and popping a piece into his mouth. "Oh my God! Can I have a piece? I'm...so...hungry..." Ken pleaded, tugging at Yohji's shirtsleeve. "Oh no, sorry buddy! That was my last piece!" Suddenly, the figurative light bulb over Ken's head lit up. He threw himself onto Yohji, straddling the mans lap. He locked his mouth onto his. He pulled off and jumped back onto the floor. Yohji sat somewhere in a state of shock. "Ken...what the-hey! Where's my gum?" Yohji cried, realizing he was missing the yummy, chewy, fruity goodness. "I, uh, don't know! You *cough, cough* must have swallowed it..." Ken said, sitting back on the couch. He was secretly chewing the gum happily. It didn't taste like dust. IN THE KITCHEN Omi was putting together a plate of sandwiches while Aya watched, glowering at the ground. "So, how's life in your apartment?" Omi asked, popping a piece of sandwich into his mouth. "Horrible. Absolutely terrible. Ken tried to fix a leak in the ceiling with duct tape. Needless to say, it didn't work out." Omi tried to say something cheery, but was interrupted by Aya, who had moved into rant mode. "Did you know that the woman who lived there before us blew her husband's brains out with a shotgun while he was eating a salad? The remains were still on the wall when we moved in." "The brains or the salad?" Omi asked, disturbed. "I don't know. Ken ate it anyways." Omi stared, open-mouthed. He finished putting the plate together with a slight shudder. "OK...let's get this in there..." Omi said quickly, racing out the kitchen door to Ken and Yohji. Aya followed slowly, but not before slipping some silverware into his back pocket. When he entered the room, Omi saw Ken chewing on something and Yohji sitting in a chair, wide-eyed, open-mouthed. "Um...sandwiches!" Omi said, holding out the plate. Ken scrambled up happily and snatched the plate from Omi's hands. He returned to his place on the couch and shoveled the little sandwiches into his mouth. Omi blinked then shook his head, making to sit in his recliner. He was surprised to feel a lap beneath him when he sat. "Ah!! Aya?!" Omi cried, turning and realizing the lap belonged to his redhead friend. "You stole my seat!!" Aya suddenly looked all defensive and nervous. "Did not!! I swear I didn't! You must've lost it or something!!" Aya shouted, sweat trickling down the side of his face. Omi stared at him, confused. "I mean..." Aya stammered, realizing he had not been caught. "I'm sorry, Omi! Here...let me move for you..." Aya said graciously, getting up to let Omi sit. Omi furrowed his brow and sat in the chair. He didn't feel the light brush against his back pocket, or see Aya slipping a wallet into his coat pocket. "You know..." Omi said as Aya sat next to Ken on the couch. "I don't see why you didn't become you didn't get into professional soccer, Ken." Ken looked up from the sandwich plate briefly, cheeks bulging. He hurriedly swallowed the contents in his mouth and shook his head. "Yeah, about that. People here think that's a girly sport! They said it was a sport for boys who can't throw!!" Ken cried, popping another sandwich in his mouth and swallowing it whole. "Plus they called me gay..." "Why would they call you gay? I don't get it...you live with another man, you want to play soccer, and they think you're gay??" Omi asked, frowning. "Yeah! That's what I thought...gosh, American's are weird..." Aya snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. Omi spared him a brief glance then turned his attention to Yohji. He was sitting in a chair, pale and inert. "Hey, what's up with him?" Ken looked at Yohji and blushed, remembering the earlier incident with the gum. "Err...dunno..." Ken muttered. Aya reached over and took a sandwich, eating it slowly. Omi stared for a moment then rested his chin in his hands. "Say, Aya-kun, that brown sweater doesn't really look good on you. It doesn't exactly complement that red hair and those purple eyes," Omi stated, noticing the dirt brown turtleneck sweater Aya wore. "Well it used to be orange..." Aya grumbled, dusting off the shoulders of his sweater, an ample cloud of dust fluffing off. Omi blinked and squinted one eye at the sweater. If he looked real hard and tilted his head a little it looked sort of orange. "Oh," Omi said simply. Aya cleared his throat and looked around. "I need to go to the bathroom." Omi pointed down a hall and Aya got up, disappearing in the direction. "I'm sorry about what happened to you guys! Maybe I could give you some money? Help you back on your fee-" Omi began, but was quickly hushed by Ken. "No...Aya doesn't accept loans. He doesn't trust them." Omi nodded slowly and Ken looked around. "But, hey! Aya's not in here right now, so why don't you just give me some money and I'll put it somewhere where he'll ne-" Ken was interrupted by Aya's entrance. There was a suspicious looking bulge under his sweater, and Omi could see the tip of what looked like a towel sticking out the bottom. Omi was about to comment but thought against it, clamping his mouth shut. He knew Aya would just deny everything. "So, Aya-kun. How did you enjoy the bathroom? Like the towels alright?" Ken commented crassly. He had also seen the bulge. Aya grunted and sat on the couch, looking out of the corners of his eyes. "Ken and I were just discussing a loan. I'd be happy to give you some money!" Omi said, smiling. "No...loans are bad. I don't want a loan. Loans get you into trouble. I don't need any loans. Did Ken tell you we need a loan? Oh I am going to beat him so bad when we get home." Aya turned his violet gaze to Ken. "You will not live to see the morning sunlight..." he muttered through clenched teeth. "Oh Aya! You're so silly! You're kidding right? Please tell me you're kidding..." Ken pleaded, looking scared out of his mind. Omi frowned and shook his finger at Aya. "Of course he's kidding! I wont let him kill you in your sleep!" Omi cried. He narrowed his eyes and stared at Aya. "If you do...*you* will not live to see the morning sunlight..." Omi growled. Aya's nostrils flared, but he didn't talk back. Omi could be a fierce little bitch sometimes. "Ah...ah...J-Juicy...F...Fruit..." Yohji croaked. Omi looked at Yohji, confused. "What?" Ken shot up and clamped his hand over Yohji's mouth. "Nothing! I think he just wants some Juicy Fruit or something! Eh heh eh..." Ken said quickly. Omi looked doubtful, but produced a pack of Juicy Fruit out of his pocket all the same. Ken took the stick of gum and unwrapped it, shoving it into Yohji's mouth. "Mmph..." With a few encouraging looks from Ken, Yohji began to chew. "There, see? All he wanted was some gum..." Ken pat Yohji on the head, smiling. Yohji nodded slowly while Aya shoved a crystal ashtray into his pocket. Omi held his head in his hands, breathing deeply. THE NEXT DAY Ken woke up feeling better than he had ever felt in months. Omi had let Ken spend the night while Aya insisted on going home. They got Yohji up to take him and Ken took a long, well-deserved bath. Omi decided to treat Ken and Yohji to breakfast. They were sitting at Denny's, Ken eating heartily. The waitresses were giving all three of them heated glances and they were beginning to feel uncomfortable. At a desperate attempt to avoid the women's' stares, Ken ducked behind Yohji's menu and looked out the window. He saw a young man with flaming red hair who was extremely familiar walking the "Pimp Walk" (copyright Silverio Gandara). "Hey...is that Aya in that fur coat??" Ken asked, bewildered. "I think so...but he doesn't need a cane to walk..." Yohji said, also looking out the window. "Yeah...and what's with that feather in his hat??" Omi asked, pointing at the long blue ostrich feather stuck in the fedora. "Who is that skanky looking woman he's talking to? Did he just slap her?! Oh my Go-wait. Why is she giving him money?!" Ken put his hands over his mouth. "I recognize her now! She moved into the top floor of our apartment with a bunch of other skanky-looking women and a guy!" Omi cried. "It's all coming together now. Ken, this may be hard for you to accept, but...Aya is a pimp," Yohji said, clapping his hand over Ken's shoulder. "Oh my God..." Ken breathed, pushing his nose against the glass. "How did this happen? He just went home last night...poor and a common thug!" Yohji looked at Ken. "I think I know what's going on here." He turned to look through the computer screen. "The authoress had too many Teddy Grahams! They were spiked...just like the rolls at Golden Corral!!!" Yohji shook his head enthusiastically. "So...I'm still poor, and Aya is a sugar-daddy..." Ken said. "Yes." "Well that sucks!!" Ken cried, jumping up. "Hey? Ken?" Omi tried to grab Ken's sleeve, but he was already out the door. Yohji and Omi turned and looked out the window. Ken was marching up to Aya. "Did he just slap Aya? Oh my God...Aya is giving him money...now he's taking one of the skanks..." Ken came back into the restaurant with Duo Maxwell of Gundam Wing on his arm. Duo was wearing a skanky red dress, and way too much makeup. But he was still recognizable. "I want you guys to meet my new lady friend...Maxi..." Ken said, putting an arm around Duo's shoulders. Duo giggled in a high falsetto and planted his skanky self into Yohji's lap. "Hey, baby!" Duo said in that same squeaky voice. Omi & Yohji: O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O "What the hell is this?" Yohji said. "I don't know...I think it's the end..." Omi replied. THE END back |