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Someday when we meet again Fujimiya Ran stood stiffly with his head lowered. He wore a pair of black suit, and for the first time since his parents' death, he came to a funeral. He could feel the tears behind his eyes. Tears that wanted to break free. He stared to the sky, which was grey and cloudy, matching his mood at the time. The rain poured down on him, hard, as if the sky was crying. He never really liked rain. But he accepted this rain. Because it was like the pain he was feeling, like the tears he couldn't shed. He looked up at the others, his face a careful mask of disdain. His pain, his grief is so strong. He saw Omi, and saw the blonde boy crying, his tears flowing freely, his harsh sobs were loud in the rain. Yohji stood next to Omi, looking more reserved and calmer, but he couldn't hide the grief that consumed him. The tall man's visage was pained, his tears were evident through the rain and Yohji didn't do anything to wipe them away. His gaze shifted and he saw Manx, the beautiful red head who always seemed so tough and unbreakable. But now she was trembling under the umbrella that shielded her from the rain, tears rolling down her beautiful face, ruining all the make up she had put on in an effort to make herself look better. Beside her stood Birman, and Ran didn't saw any tears in her eyes. But he saw the white hands that clenched the umbrella tightly, shaking lightly, from sadness or from anger, Ran didn't know. Why couldn't he cry? He had this gaping wound in his heart, he had these tears behind his eyes, but why couldn't he cry? That day was the funeral of Hidaka Ken. Hidaka Ken, his comrades for years, the one he had fought alongside with, the one he had lived together with. Ken had once died as the memories from the times when everything had still been right had died too, because one single betrayal. He was died to the world. But not to some people. Not to Weiß, not to Kritiker, not to the people around the Koneko no Sumu Ie. Hidaka Ken had still been alive to all of them. But today... today he was dead. Dead to the world, to the Weiß, Kritiker and people who knew and loved him. He was gone forever, permanently. He felt someone, probably from the Kritiker, offering him an umbrella, maybe out of pity seeing him all soaked up under the rain. Ran shrugged the man and the umbrella away. He didn't need the umbrella. He welcomed the rain, wanting the rain to wash all over him, hoping, wishing that it would wash all the pain and the bitter memories away too. He shifted his gaze to the coffin again and felt his vision blurred. He heard the cries of the children, making all of this more and more real. He saw the children stood on one side of the coffin, crying, calling out their coach's name. And he felt his heart being stabbed, over and over again, until he couldn't stand the pain, the grief that consumed him so much. So heavy that he couldn't breath. Ran watched with a vice of ice-cold fear gripping his fiery soul. The priest had finished the prayer and now the coffin was slowly lowered to the grave. He closed his eyes tightly, and the tears finally fell. Rolling down his cheeks gently, one by one, before finally mingled and lost in the rain. When he opened his eyes again, he saw the others were dropping flowers into the grave. Beautiful gentians. But those gentians looked so limp, pale, unfresh and gloom in comparison to the ones Ken had always tended in the flowershop. That time, Ran realized that he would never see the gentians so beautiful like the ones Ken had again. He dropped the flowers into Ken's grave, the only one who didn't brought gentians. The flowers landed softly on the blanket of gentians that covered the coffin, bright red petals between the soft violet ones. Ken had never really love roses. He had always pricked his fingers whenever he had dealt with roses. Those bittersweet memories... //"I don't really love roses, Aya, but they really suit you. So beautiful but deadly..."// Ken had once said that the roses really suited Ran, so Ran brought the roses to the funeral, instead of the gentians. He brought the red roses, and hoping that Ken would remember him. The red roses, hoping that Ken would forgive him. And now the earth claimed him, as each shoveful of soil fell upon those flowers. Ran saw Omi fell on his knees, crying somewhat histerically. He saw Yohji, trying to calm Omi down, but his eyes were casted away from the coffin, as if he couldn't bear the view. The children's high pitched wails filled the air, adding up the sadness, making it unbearable. Ran felt his body shook. He wished he could just explode. How he wanted to cry out loud just like anybody else, to show the world how sad, how hurt he was. But he couldn't. He felt something holding the emotion back. It was only the tears that managed to escaped and streamed down his cheeks. Beside the grave was a picture. Ken's picture in a black frame. Ran stared at it. Those days he had taken for granted... He gazed at the brunette in the picture, the soft brown bangs that fell stubbornly on his forehead, the cheerful and lively face, the boyish expression, his sparkling eyes and his grin. The face of a person who loved life so much. The face of a person who believed that he would live a long time and eventually reached happiness. He gazed at the picture, as the droplets of the rain splashed over the glass covers. The young man who had always cheered him up, who had always shone his days. The incredible young man who had known his flaws, who had seen him in his darkest time, and still accepted and loved him anyway. He remembered Ken's clumsiness and naivety, remembered his laughs and his smiles, remembered his anger and his tears, remembered his kindness and brashness. He remembered the softly spoken words, and the pretty blush on Ken's cheek as he admitted that he loved him. Unconsciously, a sob escapes his lips, and the tears fell harder. Ran remembered the way his life seemed to brighten after the love confession. Everything had felt lighter, knowing that there had been someone who loved him. He remembered the way they made love, the way Ken would clutch his hands tightly as he moaned and cried. He had been Ken's first. He remembered how Ken would hugged him after they had made love, whispering into his ear, telling him how much he loved him. But Ran had never told Ken what the brunette needed to hear. He had never told Ken how much he loved him back, believing that Ken would figure it out by himself, without him having to mention about it. But now, he really regretted it. He regretted that he had never told Ken that he loved him. What if when he had been dying Ken had not known that Ran loved him? The rain fell harder, and the men had finished burying the coffin. There were murmurs, and people began to retreat, taking shelter from the rain, running away from the bitter reality. But Ran stayed there. The last time he had seen Ken alive had been before their last mission. He remembered him laughing at his tenseness and promising him that he would come over to his apartment later that night. He remembered watching, staring at the brunette's retreating back, as he was slowly swallowed by the darkness of the night. It had never crossed his mind that that smile Ken had thrown his way was the brunette's last smile he would ever see. He hadn't seen Ken again that night. When they had searched for him, they had only found his bugnuk, lying forgotten in the dark, empty corridor. Ken had been kidnapped. Three fucking days. Three sleepless nights. Three days of worrying, speculating, waiting for the worst to come, all the way engulfed in a deep, dark fear of losing him, feeling like he wanted to cry but he couldn't. Three days that had lasted like eternity. They had tried every way possible to track the kidnappers, and failed. The kidnappers had been as good as those Schwartz bastards in hiding themselves. Three days, all the way blaming, cursing himself to death for not being able to protect Ken. And then Manx called, telling them that Ken was found. And as he felt his hope raised with the news, the cruel fate laughed at his face. He hadn't come on time. He hadn't come fast enough. Ken had been dead. He had seen him for the first time after three days, lifeless body lied limply on the hospital bed. Cuts and bruises marred the athletic body, clothes torn and soaked up with blood. Manx had said that Ken had been dying when they had found him. Dying, but still breathing. Dying, but still alive. Manx had said, in his last minutes, in his last seconds of his existence in this world, Ken had been asking for him. Had been asking for him. Not asking for anything else, not asking for anyone else... he had been asking for him. Ran felt his knees weakened and fell on his knees on the wet soil. His fingers digging into the soft, wet soil, his head bowed, his tears dripping furiously, no different from the rain that fell hard on him. Sobs escaped his lips, racking his body, and he didn't bother to conceal them anymore. His mind wandered, asking, wondering... If he had told him... if he had told him what he felt... would the situation be different? If he had told him that he loved him too... would it have given him the strength when he had been dying? Would it have given him the strength to survive? But it didn't matter anymore. Ken was gone now, and this was his punishment. He saw Ken in his mind, and he vowed that he would take revenge. He would chase the bastards wherever they went. He would make them feel how hurt Ken was when they tortured him. He would make them experience hell on the earth, and would make sure that they'd die a slow painful death. He wouldn't be feeling better before he did that. None of those things would get Ken back to him. Even if the bastards were killed, Ken wouldn't be back. He had lost him, and would never get him again. A tap on his shoulder. "Aya... the funeral is over... you can get sick if you stay here too long" He didn't care if he would get sick. It would be better if he could just die too. "Aya-kun... we'll... we'll take revenge, won't we...?" "We will, Omi," came Yohji's reply. "Those bastards deserve the worst way possible to death..." Yes... there was something to be done... some things, like taking revenge... Ran didn't care if he would be killed in taking the revenge. He didn't care, as long as those people died... people who had taken Ken away from him. And if he died... if he died, he hoped he could meet Ken again. That time, when they met again, he would make sure that he would tell Ken about his feeling. Maybe it wouldn't make any difference, but he had to tell it. He needed Ken to know. If he died... if he met Ken again... he would tell him what he needed to know. And for this time being... "Yes... we'll take revenge..." For this time being... He'd make sure that wherever Ken might be now, the brunette would see how much his feeling, his love for him burned. The rain fell hard. And for a certain red head assassin, it would always be, until he met again with his love. ~Owari^^~ wow, I hope it wasn't *that* bad^^~!! Can't wait to hear what you guys think^^~!! |